I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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