How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
