Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
