? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
