Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
