Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
