you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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