forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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