8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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