oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
