playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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