the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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