drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
