whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
