am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
