So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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