One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
