you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think pants incapable of making pants work
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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