Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
