ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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