My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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