Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
it's like iHOP with fire
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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