If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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