Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
