you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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