new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
