i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Four minutes until I can fart!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm always down for nudity.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
