I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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