I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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