Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
