and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
