totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
