and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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