if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
