you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
