My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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