Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
