i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
