Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
This toilet bowl is my home.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
