she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
