I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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