I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
