talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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