You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
