i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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