Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
