you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
