Buhtt sex?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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