My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
