Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
