Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
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CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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