You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
