I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
