dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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