adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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