I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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