what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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