Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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