When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
