I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
