Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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