do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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