I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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