worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
