one two three fourrrrnication!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
