My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
