Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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