He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
