the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
