Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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