my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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